new blog

I am giving up on dance right now because the bus ride looks too tedious.

What's all these problems like I "did something?"

Is an older lady I like on her sex adventure?

Is she naked to excuses?  No offense.

People want to control my life and determine what happens to me...

So, what am I going to do about these problems?

The people monitoring me in private bothering me are lingering.

People have problems and so pretend I do instead.

People are coming into my life.

Other people are taking over my life and are magneted towards going crazy about my posts.

Why are some of these people in my life like they are now?

They said they can cancel my relationship with an older lady I like for no good reason.

They keep butting in like their saying nothing is important.

They just want to keep shocking me with trash to no avail.

People acted like they wanted to meet me, but now they want to toy with people who are related to me by blood or friends who abandoned me long ago.

They are like just too excited about this, hurting me.

Orlando is shit.

I said I didn't do anything wrong.

It's as though the older lady I like picks the trashiest things to do to me, like suggest suggestive things...

They are making fun of me.

I didn't do anything wrong.

They let someone else be mean to me and she feel like she did what was right.

They said an older lady I like is torturing me.

I didn't do anything wrong to anyone and they just make life difficult.

If I say the older lady I like is really nice, they try to hurt her like silly, psychiatrically.

They are trying to steal my relationship with an older lady I like, like I "did something."  They are always mean to me and supposedly instilled it in the older lady I like.

The people monitoring me in private are trying to belittle me.

Edit

I edited my last post.

People think it's okay if the older lady has some anti-relationship with me and my reputation goes down, as long as she is happy.

So, they keep bothering me to see if they dislike one little thing and want to replace me again, with having a relationship with an older lady I like, like I "started it" the problems.

I'm thinking of some people I know, probably support this person doing this, though they do it differently; I just spoke up about it to them.

I didn't do anything wrong, and someone younger started bossing me around, as though I had.

I'm wearing a charcoal mask.

They keep acting like they are in charge and "calm, cool, and collected," like being bossy to me and like my life should be ruined like I'm in trouble.

I'm on people's bad sides and people I know are in relationships with them.

People celebrate, thinking I am lame.

People are taking advantage of me.

They didn't really make it exciting.  They think they need to test me and be bad, for years.

They replaced me and put me on the bad side and let other people participate with an easier time, except that they think it's at the risk of the relationship I have with love.

They keep acting like I am worthless and like they are providing me with annoying black people.

They are ruining an older lady I like and her relationship with me.

It seems like they have a new test every day.  That's funny.  This used to be something nice for me.

I would be in trouble if I did what they did.

They said I'm the one who did something wrong.

People keep using Facebook to get to me, posting annoying things.

So, they are mean to me so they have an excuse to steal my relationship I have with an older lady, that I was upset to any evolving degree.

Oh, and they're secretly talking to and about me in mean ways.

People are bossing me around triumphant, one like they're the strictest trying to be meaner like she has a hold over me though she's younger.  The people monitoring me in private just canceled a relationship I had with an older lady and like it's okay to steal my reputation and not have it be okay.

This is being supported.  They go by like I succumb to it.  Why am I stuck with people in my life like that?  Where have they been when I wanted to talk to them?

I did something different with my self sexual powers.

So, just punish me like crazy for every little inkling?  That's your excuse and you don't care about people?

I know why my hair is so curly, but if only I could straighten it out to be that way *naturally*.

They keep sneaking in like I did something wrong and should be punished.

Wasn't the older lady I like popular already?

I didn't accomplish, but "it's not my fault."

The older lady I like maybe actually replacing my reputation to herself is in agreement I have a relationship with her, "so they say," but we know people believe something changed, a little was lost.  They can just pretend I'm in trouble and get away with it.  They help, but it's not a 100%, the help of knowing her and me starting another chapter of my life too.

They think they are unbelievable, embarrassing me about possible racial hardships.

They just can't stop being bad.

I hear too many cars outside belittling me, *believing*.

People need to stop thinking I'm inferior racially because I'm mixed with a *different* race and when other people / they are.

They believe saying something is a sign of weakness, but they won't stop talking and fighting.

People who try to talk to me are so perverted, some.

I am not racist on purpose, though.

Too bad about Orlando, some excuse for someone to have a party.

So, what, I just sit like this because my high schools didn't spend those 4 years preparing for college rather than anticipating it like I skipped high school?

What if they want me just to be controlled by black people who do what they say.

I don't know..  I don't know what to do.  I wonder if they, like expressed, were pretending that an older lady "had something."  Maybe, she likes other people better, others of my age and generation.

They can't read my mind, so I put it here so it happens.

They keep bothering me and don't get they're bothering me and ask what I'm doing?

People are playing around with me.  I'm being put off like I'm bad and like I asked for something.

How dare anyone question my race, ambushing me to see what you can get out.

How foolish are people to tell me they are serious about Hitler.  I am the racially superior or "white" one, but I'm not racist.

They won't stop!

They keep talking at me like they have a hold on me.

They keep acting like I did something so I don't deserve to be white.

Too much of Orlando based their life on hurting me because I get attention.

So, the people monitoring me in private are always cracking that I'm worthless.

It seems they're just doing the worst things possible within certain guidelines like active, present, physical torture.

"Oh, no! Christina is mixed race. Tear white-loving Christina from white people."

I'm being threatened for some things I post here.  They are attacking me with nonsensical things.

...but nothing is important supposedly.

Others/People Involved Monitoring Me in Private: "Desperate times call for desperate measures."

So, there's a lot of babble going batshit crazy from others getting under my skin like they're all cute.

These people think they have a hold over me, the people involved monitoring me in private.

People act like they believe I am fascinated with them being mean to me.

This has been a shitty time, whatever it was.  Something has to be said.

"Don't pee on me!"

They try to confuse me and talk at me.

It seems like people don't give a shit about me.  They want to have a hold over my life and take their time.

Me Now

I'm reading a magazine for intelligence and to post it on my magazine blog, but I came across people warning like I'm bad, like the famous people, celebrities, like all this doesn't matter much anyway when it probably does.  Some people might even be interested in my posting this but discredit I had to process the information yet don't mean to seem like I'm lingering on it, though maybe I should according to the people who do it.

I'm feeling restless just waiting to go.

I want to get out and eat with my dad.

I'm sick, need more medicine at the store, and tired on what medicine I've had.

I have my painting to work on and violin practice available.  Even the idea of painting taxes me.

Now, people I like are hating me but liking an older lady I like, when they are set to have a chance, suspicious.

Why are all these people fighting me just for superstitious reasons? and rubbing in racism all the time?

It's like I don't have any relationships.  Everyone is submitting to some elevated power.

My mom died, and I've been pointed out a lot like I'm her flaw, secretly, at least by one person though others would agree but not to make obvious.

I bet if you do ballet, musicians like ballerinas over me but not applicable to others.

Some people online got affected by what I said, apparently not doing what they're supposed to.

People keep acting like they have it together and are over and above me like they have a handle on me.  Other than things like torture and death etc., it's one of the worst things in the world.

Supposedly, an older lady I like doesn't do bad things so much, but people are cluing me in as though she's getting mad at me...

People are freaking out as though someone may be attacking my relationship with an older lady I like just because I posted something I thought of after thinking of them.

People like to blame everything on some one thing.

How dare anyone "question" me.

People are so disrespectful to dare mistreat me.  I was loved by one and by all, in a former life.

It seems like someone I knew went against me, and I'm not even a part of their life.  I know, I remember the likes of people there and now don't want to go back.  Wish I could just go into details, but I'm just saying; I didn't do anything wrong and don't mean anything bad, just noticed obvious secret messages.

It wasn't like this before.

In the end, I'm the short fat one living with her dad, like something's not okay about us.

My life is so lame, the things some people think matter for me.  How did people get so opinionated over me?  They weren't in my life much.

My life isn't okay.

People have to tell themselves I'm a failure.  It wasn't like this before?  When is it going to change?  I don't even care about many people.

People in Germany and England do whatever they want and some aren't actually impressive more themselves.

Edit

I edited a post.

I feel like I've been banned from posting online because the message boards I post on are lame and perverted.

I guess everyone is busy with their school or career and enjoying racial popularity.

People want to jump at you and think it proves you're not all that.

Most people don't post much online to be seen.

The world is going crazy saying an older lady I like should replace my social reputation.

Everyone used to say I was so good and now they think I am bad.

They keep doing whatever other people emit, like I'm the ultimate sacrifice.

Europeans often like me.

I'm the well-behaved one.

The world thinks I'm conveniently in trouble.

Why are things getting worse, in a way how I am with others?

Americans are banned from being impressive.

I really need to move to Europe if I ever want to make anything of my already good life.

I thought I was generally in good graces.  What did I ever do wrong to an older lady I like?  Just messing with me, "Yea, I get it."

Edit

I edited a post from today again.

Edit

I edited 2 posts from today.

Who lives their life in argument trying to please others?

It's as though an older lady I like is upset if I use figurative language.

Edit

I edited my last post.

They said someone cool is in on saying an older lady I like can't meet me who she saw.  They can't take it back;  they seem to be playing around like maybe he didn't, though.

My dad keeps acting like I did something and he's annoyed, of course to do with ruining a relationship I have with and older lady I like.

People are actually saying it can come than an older lady I life trades off not meeting me teasing like maybe I did something they didn't like or it's like that for "lazy" reasons.

People pretending they have a problem is an excuse.

Why do people replace me with people with problems like starving kids in Africa?

I don't know why people who meet me have others to answer to because there aren't many people in my life much.

If other people ruined your life socially, why bother innocent me?

It's not fun when you're not popular and you have to be careful around people too much.

People set me up like they were open arms, but now they are all racist like I am forbidden.

Why do people believe something that's not true, that I'm bad and others are mistreated because of me doing it?

People keep harassing me and lying, like I'm doing something wrong.

I'm not depending on other people about whether or not I have a relationship with an older lady I like.

People think they can permanently take my relationship instead.

People are just trashing my life right and left!

People keep telling me what I do that I don't do...

People are seen as a hero for saying when something awkward happens with me, saying I'm bad and hurting me socially, making me wince a lot.

I am a good person, but people are giving me nonsensical rules and putting the most important things in my life at stake.

Mostly, if something awkward happens, people chose to be disgusted at me, like I'm not as good and "not a lady."

I just can't trust a lot of people.

People think they have a hold over me.

Me Playing Violin Now

People think being mean to me is necessary for protocol ... and excitement.

unfair "distribution of resources"

"In the end," "when it all comes down to it," I'm disgraced by racism and unfair advantage of resources.

It's not *actually* a "free for all" nor fair as it seems everyone says "life is not fair."

Teachers are "cheating us out" "on our way" "to the top."

Some people think sex is commercially attractive.

I want to know "what" someone I like "turned into."

Baby Boomers can't beat us.

What are you looking around for?  Something else just for other people, like an older lady I like? and ruin my life? like a toy that cannot do anything?

Edit

I edited my last post.

People who "got away with" "horsing around" with my life "aren't going anywhere."

People keep getting me disgraced for flunking college because my schools wouldn't prepare me.

I don't get praised for when I do act European in a good way, but get a coveted European in the spotlight and any little tiny thing is like magic to the world.

I guess tonight I'll dye my hair back to its natural color.

(continued)

just because I didn't start younger

I feel people want to prevent me from playing violin, professionally/well.

What's the hold-up?

Why is nothing happening and possibly never going to happen?

Update

I added a new message board I post on.

It's not about talent but racial superiority and common racial interest issues for the details.

I think people just tickle white humor when they perform, white as in Caucasian.  There is a common kinesthesia experience rather than synesthesia; kinesthesia meaning to do with the person or people and synesthesia meaning to do with the meaning of art, something like that though.  They both deal with how people and artistic/sensory things connect intuitively, I believe.

I wonder why I'm not good at anything just because I'm older now.

When you watch ballet, do you ever see something more?

If you're talented, if you mess up, you aren't accepted.

I wonder why classical music isn't about talent.

People don't want you to feel good.  They make sure.

Salad and breadsticks with cheese for supper.

Why do Americans like Europeans but not people in the US who want to move to Europe and are more in on this?

(continued)

I'm the one who came up with the friendly idea of an agreement.

To have a relationship with an older lady I like, there are silly rules.  They already bothered me.

Supposedly, only some people are better than the best.

People like to take things you work hard to avoid and bring them up and say they just did a lot of work.

English and Irish people seem to think Americans can't take Germany's invitation.

Edit

I edited a post with talk about the English.

(link)

I used to be dignified, but I find myself put in a category with my family as a failure and it persists, while an older lady I like is singular.

Does anyone make it out of Orlando okay?

Everyone keeps being mean to me like they're better than me and that's okay.

People like to see me as the awkward one socially.  They are.

I got odd with nothing much to do.

I wish I could have stayed in music.

Unlike most people, I cannot trust my future.

I might have as much Italian as Britney Spears, but it may be from Germany.  Why does she seem different?  I don't want to be different.

What is this?  Why is there no one to talk to outside of my dad?

It seems people aren't people because of the over popularity in a weird way with the bad people of Johnny Depp and Tim Burton.

I'm just wasting time cuz I can't play violin.

She kinda took over my life supposedly...

See, I didn't do anything wrong, and I can't have a relationship with an older lady because of it.

So, if Germany is not Chinese they are Jewish or Italian?

They think they all have something we don't.  We're just more mixed.

England reveres Germany but trashes the US.

Germans ran to Scandinavia.  Maybe, some of the English need to shut up.  The nice ones are more introverted or something else.

What's all this nonsensical babble I get since getting into England with people?

I don't want to get intimate about stupid conversations like this.  It's not done productively here.

So, everyone else is free to go no matter what and I can't be?

How will I be accepted in today's society?  I don't want all the people I like to turn me away and I be left with this mess.

I know I have problems, but it's none of some people's business, my life was unfair.  Most people made it thinking they're just racially superior.  They're back and fighting for their rights.

I didn't do anything wrong, but people are accusing me.

How is it that some races are considered worthless and mixed race people in particular different in desire?  I don't really know what it is, but I don't want to fight about it.  Other Asians can speak for themselves.  I would rather be me; it's probably a fight about how old their mom is.  Why act out for someone who enjoys talking to me or something? and say they don't want to because of this?  I don't think it's nice to mix race, but sometimes it makes sense for some people.  It doesn't seem like other people are really better and nicer.  They won't talk to me because of my race; even if they are mean can get along with nice people because they are white.  I don't think people should treat me a certain way if they pretend or say they can't tell my race.  We currently can't accept people acting weird about race rather than admitting it out loud.  You shouldn't be stopping people on the street.  I'm probably whiter than other people and like it better, and other people are making excuses and don't want me to have a nice life.  Even if I'm not whiter, I don't have certain problems...  Why are other ethnicities coming to me saying Germans and Scandinavians and English people etc. don't accept them?  Go tell them and see what happens.  What's my crime?

Most people surprised me and labeled me "smart."  No need to worry about pleasing them, but I'd like to be smart in certain ways, for real.

It's not good for my future.

Why ruin my time now?

Everyone is complaining because their moms are older than mine, but it's left me dysfunctional socially, even in my privacy, with my reputation.

A lot of people are detailed in annoying ways and won't leave me alone with my success and good company.

People think I don't deserve anything because of my mixed race.

People want to keep paying attention to unnecessary detail about where I seem turned off and recluse-d.

You think this has all been okay?

So, how much ya got?

I guess some people like to get detailed in some extreme and fish for attention and lie about their beliefs with other people.

Orlando is just complaining always finding a way to make me seem bad, and other people from other places believe they have to get involved but don't fix it.  They just keep going, even if I outsmart them.

Why would anyone have to follow along with Orlando?  Mean people here seem to be getting by.

Do you think you're going to win?

Do some people have a problem understanding certain types of things? admitting the truth?

The US are making excuses because they trashed society by talking at school.

It's hard to get into people whose body or face is not shaped symmetrically or who aren't especially strong, substantial, etc.  Like, people with more normal-seeming proportions.

Even if I'm right, no one will admit it.

I guess some people can't handle it all.

How long have we been chasing this?  Some people are recognized for special needs.

So, all we need to do is get out of this.

I just easily rearranged stuff in my room, ready for a new table!

It's funny when people complain about someone but they still get the reward and others don't.  The complaining is just pretending to be polite about taking what was someone else's.

Edit

I edited my last post.

Why were people crazy because of Johnny Depp and Tim Burton?

I mean, Johnny Depp and Tim Burton are good, but people got competitive about them...

Most people go through life averting others, in case others don't "return the favor."

I had a salad for lunch.

It seems the Orlando area keeps wanting to make sure I'm punished talking about it all the time through the air, like communicating secretly.  They come out with something in the end, working on it taking turns all day.

The people involved monitoring me in private are staring me down to "lose it," in different ways.

I don't care what people say.  They are trying to change my relationship with an older lady I like for the worse for me.

A lot of whining about me about Central Florida seems to be going over.

People are obsessed I'm not perfect and single me out for my past problems with them.  I didn't start it.

So, an older lady I like is feeling celebrated and I'm hated.

If you're mean to someone, shame will come on its own.

I just found I can make chocolate oatmeal cookies with ingredients we supposedly have.

People are pressing on to punish me, for no reason.

However, when I was against people who promoted it openly, it was considered illogical...

It's like I'm supposed to be in awe of what an older lady has done to herself, supposedly.  Other than that she has the support of people on a "secret mission" or something.

They even think it's my fault.

People think they can do anything to me but try to make an older lady I like not care about me while oh so conveniently pleasuring her oddly instead.

People keep marching on, while my relationship with an older lady I like hey think *has* to be ruined.

My dad literally thinks he can block me from meeting people for some silly reason.

Edit

I edited my last post.

So it's cool to get mad at others and not me, but that's because it came out and isn't true "I'm in the doghouse" because maybe not I wonder.

What...

What's everyone waiting  around for?  Are you expecting something?  Perhaps for an older lady I like and I don't matter? as you actively ruined my life.

Ruining Relationships

People ruin my relationships.

"All the Perks"

An older lady I like is getting "all the perks."

Oh well.

It obviously doesn't matter to the world I suffer.

Anyway...

So, who are all these people to speak to an older lady I like?

Problem

People keep getting mad at me for no reason like it's normal.

I know people...

I know people don't care about me in their subconscious, and an older lady I like finds herself punishing me.

What?

People think I'm just trouble.

People think...

People want me to "bow down to" them.

No Prob-le-em.

People keep treating me like I'm the one with a problem.

Nothing to Do, Socially

I feel betrayed and sometimes make the realization of how unnecessarily bad and goalless a situation I'm in.

I keep feeling pressure about people like going coo coo.  I didn't exactly have this very problem before.

Stuck

My life has been stupidly wasted.

Why?

I wonder why some people trust in others.

Annoying

Everyone I run into is gay and trying to trick me.

People...

People keep going coo coo babbling to me and sometimes my thoughts go out of wack in my mind, and somehow they read it and I'm in trouble or in danger of losing my relationship with an older lady I like.

I'm upset...

I'm upset an older lady I like is affected and then made out to be difficult in useless ways.

At times, I don't even know if she was serious about having a "relationship" with me.

This sounds like it involves people you can't trust.

What if something bad happens to me or her?

Question

What is Elizabeth Warren's view on other countries?  Probably just what's obvious or in comparison to Trump?

Interesting Picture

Elizabeth Warren - Presidential candidate for Democrats

(link)

Playing Around

Elizabeth Warren likes to play around like Trump, but I like Trump ... and Warren.  I guess that's her recreation or some of it.

She's the most interesting candidate, another Democratic nominee / future President.

Voila! "Bon appetit" for me.

I'm just adding leftover rice.

Cooking!

I'm having "great pleasure" cooking soup with vegetables, broth, ... and ground beef.

People are...

People are mean themselves yet picky to others and mark every waver in your voice.

People...

People get excited for some.

Can some people...

Can some people talk about something else other than their belief that I am in trouble?

People like...

People like only some of the good people who come along.

We may not be...

We may not all be mixed, but we can become meaningless.

Some people...

Some people stay trusted, and some people don't.

Tweet

I have the same problem, and I know so do others. We all flock to the same thing, for some reason, though we're all already very different. https://t.co/RdNUYW8DWR

— Christina Ann Joanna Barrett (@Chris86FL) October 3, 2019

Am I ahead?

A lot of people who do band/orchestra in high school don't continue, though I "only" played the piano and majored in it for a year and had to leave.

Clothes

The rest of my clothes are coming in today, preparing way for laundry.  I just need nicer, matching sports bras.  I have some now that may due..  They are quite an investment for the "poor man!" needing new kinds.  I had to return something I almost got in case these didn't come in and got like $35 back.  I don't want to borrow too much when I eat at the festival I'm working.  😑

I think...

I think my dad treated me differently because I was half Chinese, even attempting to discipline me as an infant.

You know when...

You know when you keep skipping something important?

It's funny...

It's funny, some people think only some people are set for something and if other people are become upset.

Some people are different in some ways, and some people are not.  Sometimes, it's too late to change your personality, but it's not the other person's fault.

So...

Who deserves to talk to who?

Right and Wrong

You know you start off with a goal, and the goal is to end with a goal met rather than lost when you're not thinking of it.

I got a new Twitter

link

Sometimes, I wonder if...

...I am belittled for having short but strong legs.  I guess I am an invalid physically or handicap or something, deformed, something.

That's funny, I wasn't even on a team in gymnastics.  I started young.  I got taller when I quit for only awhile.  Lots of people use their legs more than I did.  I'm muscular, maybe just a little short.

You may have...

You may have a say, but you didn't have an answer.

What do you think about...

"people who go looking for trouble?"

I'm just...

I'm just suffering the underprivileged taking out their "baggage" on me.

Like, Generation X and people with older parents.  Like, they seem to say things like, "Late Boomers 'did it.'  They're there. I want them. Everyone else literally is trash."

Supposedly, Some People Being Better Than Others

Why are some people considered better than others?

Why do people try to mess things up for me?

Some/Many people can't come to terms that other people actually experience feelings.

I don't know about other people of one race or another, but I'm mixed and I know I go through things that seem real to others, like that I build on things as I go through life and things happen and I accomplish things with effort and dedication.  Living in the Orlando area people have been mean to me and cut me off socially because of my mixed race, whereas before I was still allowed to function and observe things and sometimes participate; they also use the excuse I'm bad and combine it with racism and no longer trust me for looking at them in defense etc. when they clearly act that way but also other things...   It's so important for white people to be superior racially here, but it's because they weren't acting as good as others who may be something else ethnically or racially; but me I deal with prejudice while whites "run for cover" to protect their dear lives and fight to keep their reputation "up there" in high esteem.  People who aren't in Orlando treat me that way, too.  Orlando is so closed up; it's a place you should probably leave if you need to experience real life.

(continued)

Isn't it the dream to open up to someone older that you like of the same gender that you have a problem and need to confide in them?

Me?  I've done that.  It stopped, though, in a way, and I've met others like that who've come and gone.

Never really "did it" completely through.

Sometimes, it might not even be your favorite person.

(continued)

"We all have problems."  It's best to confide in someone you like, maybe who's older and the same gender.

I can't help you...

...if you don't even like me and you don't admit to anyone that you do like that you have a problem.

Some people are...

Some people are bitter defending the only reason they are something is because of race, that they are white and German.

I was thinking about...

I was thinking about a family I saw that seemed to work out perfectly.  Why complain?  Everyone likes them.

I have...

I have a dance audition for a Christmas performance!

I can't believe it!

I'm actually getting better!

I had a sore throat for a little while.  It's still a little hard to talk and I don't sound normal.

Lunch

I'm eating beef Ramen noodles.

Why do people think...

Why do people think I have special rules and hurt me socially?

People in the US

People in the US simply know I'm a good person.

However, "run for help" from Europe, and they will beat me up for being mixed race.

I've been...

I've been beat for not being good at violin.

I know why...

I know why The Phantom of the Opera is so popular.  It's about all the drama and lust of the stage life.

The world is...

The world is an undeserving mess of thinking I am in trouble because I'm usually perfect.